Yesterday, I got up got ready to work like all other days. Started working and all of a sudden, I am being let go due to lack of needs. Just like that unemployed but not shocked. Didnt I see this coming with the reduced hours throughout the entire month. Not realizing CVS closing stores would effect my job. How didnt I listen to my gut and try harder to find another job.
I immediately applied for other positions and recieved a good amount of responses back. I just couldnt bring myself to respond, like what if the same thing happens. Then there is the part of me that just chants fight. Do the soul searching you were going to do the day before you knew about this.
My intentions the day before this happened was to find me and what I really want and stop including love or my relationship and consider being selfish. Drink more water and leave out the alcohol. At a glimpse it seems easy and it is. I erased social media from my phone and I only function on sites that promote my art and thoughts. So I hang on to a few site along with LinkedIn, which is more professional and I am focusing on me. A woman of so many talents and still none discovered or appreciated. How do I get back to me before children and love? How do I become selfish. I have to cleanse my body from social media, alcohol, and one day meet. So I read, clear into the night. My current book is the autobiography of Assata Shakur and I am running through it as of i am in her shoes.
The book interesting but depressed me more, makes me realize how much hell I bought these seven children into but I’m proud they’re handling themselves well for four children with their Dad imprisoned, my fiftth’s dad come to find out thru his current girlfriend he’s been caught naked with other men, and my last two happy and still worry free, not old enough to know just soaking up their surroundings. My first four make me proud. Their father has over 12 children, (in which all but two while he was with me) and out of all of them, they seem to lead them in some strange way. However we love thousands of miles from there, I couldnt bring my children up in a town I’d come to view as a circus because of what I allowed to happen to me for love. So much to reflect on and I can only type so fast.
However, the cleanse is allowing to face life, still not to interested in television I watch movies here and there when I have time.
I went and picked up plants for the house and concrete to make modern artistic flower pots. I am just touching on some of what I do but the list is long.
- Mother of seven
- CNC certified operator
- Paralegal
- Licensed Insurance Adjustor
- Learning to code for website development
- Fina chic online store owner
- Wake up your city, mentor and administer
- Looking for a job, newly added to my list
- Rookie customs tshirt printing and more
- Hair charms
- Creative Kookie, new idea
- And so much more shit, by yours truly
Do I really have time to be cleanse? Yes…the mornings and nights in solitude I sharpen my logic on things and remind myself to drink water when I think alcohol will fix my pain..
Everytime I feel stressed out I think I need a drink when really I’m just making a excuse. Although I was no alcoholic, I definitely had a beer or two almost every night. I’m walking up on day two and I said fuck beer, give me vodka.
So yes I drink last night. Just cause I had to cook..when I cook i like to drink. It helps me mellow out and get it done. Yes and i am a great cook as well..even Thought about selling dinners..so this cleanse is good but failed but will prevail.
-Hearttress11-10-18
Author & Poetically Speaking with Art 