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I speak highly of myself to myself and remain humble. I have seven children and three fathers for my children. My first four was from a toxic reckless love relationship with four of my children, my second was a friend that that turned into a lover for one of my children and the third is the man I am currently with. With every single one of them, I am trusted with their credit cards, information etc and I always do the right things. When I am given money I do for my children.

My second kid’s father has a mother that still controls and supports him. He’s a privileged island man that I dont mention, speack on and over the past year havent been able to speak to due to his girlfriend’s insecurities with me, he doesnt come get his son. Still I dont call, ask for anything or even socialize with him because I know it’s best my child isn’t around veil individuals like herself. He had a child for her and my son cried because he felt like his dad wouldnt love him anymore and at the age of six, he has watched his dad fade out of his life. My heart hurts for him and I keep quiet about it because I know screaming or putting him on child support just wont change how my baby feels and worse I would be doing it out of anger when he should be providing for him regardless.

I kept to myself and continue to raise him with his father absent for a year now out of his life without a phone call or visit. Today I recieved a call from his mother. She is a wealthy woman who’s grown to like me over the years and her only issue with me of course was me having four kids at the time which she knew her son couldnt support and she would have to pick up the slack. However she didnt know I hold my own and I wasnt there for her son’s money but his companionship and support for our son. That was all over six years ago before I had him however let’s fast forward back to today.

His mother calls and begins venting about her son and spilling the tea. The girlfriend tried to put him in jail and now she put the girlfriend out of the house because it’s her house. He retaliates by telling her she cant see his kids including mine. I listened and advised and let her kown she is strong and her son is spoiled. She then let me know how much she loves my son.

From this I only got that I did the right thing by stepping back and allowing my kids father to be and with time everything comes full circle. This woman confiding in me was out of no where but also needed. She now sees I am my own woman and I am good for her son. Doing the right thing goes a long way. It’s not about how people treat you in the moment . It about how you react. Do the right thing for you and its guaranteed to come back full circle.

All my kids’ fathers and parent respect me and get along with me and they know I am always going to be a good person. No matter what .

Some men don’t understand, a woman needs to feel secure in other ways in order for her not to feel like she has to control everything because her man doesn’t care. Further if he can’t even protect then what do you have. You both provide equally and still have to take care of the children on your own while he runs around with his friends and does absolutely nothing at home unless you’re yelling.

How does it come to this, the pain and regrets and looking back you start to think about your career choices and the things you missed out on because of pregnacy and you realize men. Their lack to provide or worse protect has contributed to the pain and mental abuse a woman has to go thru. As a black woman, you try to reason and they dont listen and then when you’re fed up and it turns into a arguement, he starts saying you’re bitter and negative.

If he won’t protect your heart, nerves, energy, or even phyically. Let him go. He don’t love you he love what he does…himself.

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Other people’s energy can be deadly to the point to hate yourself for wanting better for people and being so damn dumb. I dont believe I would be this dumb if there weren’t kids involved. I wouldnt help for over a decade. Especially a person that says family isnt shit is will hold a grudge longer than they can themselves accountable for their own shit. Just messy and miserable and making shit everyone else problem but play boss on social media. Its fucking sick. Here I am with seven kids of my own and two more dumped in my lap while she attempts to make another one and uses the kids safety as the reason they dont stay with her. Meanwhile taking care of this man son and her kids with me. If it wasnt for the kids, I would say fuck it. 12 years of this off and on. What evil fucked up cycle I have allowed in my life. Then behind my back, I am keeping secrets behind her back about her child and I dont treat her kids right but she still leaves them with me. Why god why. I dont understand and I hate this shit. This feeling and further more the nerve to ask if another grown ass man can stay to until they save money while she live with another man. How and why the fuck is this even a thing. I audacity of this grown ass woman.

Not to even put in words how fucking fucked up my five year long relationship is with a man who calls me a gold digging bitch when he’s not in my presence but has never paid more than $500 which is utitlies a month in my fucking household and still dont got shit but blames it on me. Wont defend me, excuses for marrying me which I am perfectly fine with and wont leave and my dumbass had two kids for him thinking he loves me but when shit hits the fan, it fuckkng explode the truth does it not hurt. Oh painfully, but I been getting bits and peices over the years now I am just fucking done.