Tag: boyfriend

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grieving heart break nightmare

Heart Break Chronicles: Letter to My ex

I hope you’re doing well. Because you were sick when you were with me. Sick in your head to treat someone that would do anything for you like nothing.

I remember tbe night you were talking to your ex and you were talking down about me to her like you talk down about her to me. I remember the laugh and joy she took in hearing about my flaws. I remember how you made me seem like a villain. Altnough she couldn’t recognize that because she was just happy to hear you talk about me. When you told me you hated her, I just knew it was a lie. Who wants to talk to someone they hate unless your hatred was because she didnt want you.

You told me so many lies and I found the truth. I investigated until I found the truth. She left you for a man that was in prison for 20 years. Now that is telling of how she felt in the relationship.  Who wants a man that been in prison sleeping with other men over you. Tben it dawned in me, you were a terrible lover to her to.

All the talking to your female friends and telling them you love them so passionately, but I never felt that same energy. All these things I have to unpack alone. All this drama I never wanted in my life. I was a successful woman making my own way and I allowed you to slow me down. I allowed you to lie to me until I was broken. 

I wanted to tell you in my own way. How much I am hurt inside and still healing. How you transferred that energy on me and walked away unscathed! I want to let it out so I dont have to keep this bottled up inside me anymore. You broke me into a million pieces.

You were my best friend and knew all my secrets and pain. You told me you would never do me how they did me. Let alone you did exactly that.

Your immature, inscure ways and mommy issues got the best of you. You chose to bring pain from your other relationships and use me as a punching bag. You chose to pull my anxiety back out in full force and dismantle me.

But I allowed it so I have to make a way thru it all. That’s all. I am making my way.

-heartbreak chronicles

Categories
Poetically loving me

Growth

Decaying love
Eating itself for growth
Like a rose out concrete
Always coming back from the impossible
Not looking for validation or affection
Just strength and the courage to love again
Living solid.
Loving me first before I every leverage my heart again
Auctioning my pain as art
Flipping my negatives to positive
Looking straight past my non sense
And embracing the silver lining
Caring with intent
Observant with purpose
Perplexing how the paradigm of the mind can be your own demise
Your decision
I chose forward
I chose me, myself,  and my seeds
The ability to grow while empty. 
I chose optimism and my own ignorance for bliss.
I chose self love as my happiness.

Categories
love

Non Monogamous Relationships in Modern Day Love

I just watched a show where there’s a big increase in non monogamous relationships because the way love is being defined in modern day.

There is a gay and straight woman married but they have separate partners because they have different sexual preferences and desires.

Would you marry your best friend if you could?

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love lust

Triggered Mood…

Imagine being someone’s trigger word for pleasure instead of pain.
Left it all to imagination
Really keeping it on the sidelines
Never putting them in the game
Imagine the smile as I rise
Higher than nine
Reflecting, living in memory lane
What is it about you of all people that makes my mind do tricks
Won’t tell you how I feel but you already know. 
Convinced myself you’re not worth it as my heart hangs on
What kind of hold could have me struggling like this
Is it really love when it lusts like this…
You’re my trigger word as I revisit the way we make love.
Who kisses like this and don’t mean it
Who’s ready to fulfill my fantasies but not need me?
Who’s staying in the background like an app that won’t close. 
Got my whole mind loading slow.
How could you not think of me?
When your name is hitting harder than an epiphany, that’s just crazy. 
How we get here as lovers
Like we leave but come back together loving on each other like we missed the hell out of one another.
The kissing before and after
The love and affection
The jokes and the bullshit lies you tell
Keeping me out my feelings unintentionally but I’m always analyzing and paying attention.

Categories
Poetically loving me

After the Break Up

As a woman you naturally get wrapped up in your man’s dreams, and lose sight of your own and who you are. You end up in a space where you mentally and physically have to start over. You have to figure out who you are.

Then as brave as you are… to turn around and love someone else again or the same person and they repeat the same pattern is pure abuse. Do not lose yourself trying to love him better. Make sure you keep your dreams on the table as well.

I know this happens to men too but I can only write from a woman’s prospective. This isn’t to bash any gender. This is a post make people think and be one with their partner and keep themselves too so relationship it self is built on a healthy foundation.

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Uncategorized

On my down days

When I’m feeling down…

It bothers me

Especially when. Yesterday was great and the day before. Then I realize there was on affection and intimacy in those moments. Majority of my life I believe out of habit I’ve craved to be loved everyday by whom I choose. Not who chooses me. When its not my way. I feel down and I have to check myself. I have to pull myself out of that bad habit that the one you love isn’t the one who’s going to rescue me from my temporary misery. So I pull myself together little by little. I move back into my routine and sooner or later im able to smooth myself out and get back to normal. Today is a good day! I managed to fool myself into the thought that love will rescue me. Only I can rescue me!

Categories
Poetically loving me

Truth is…

I could never leave 

But I will let you live

 A whole lifetime without me

Lost at your own discretion

Never to mention

The energy, I’m gifted

Never alone sweetheart

This is my preference.

I am sitting on genius

I don’t have time to listen

Ignorance is a bliss

So I choose my intelligence

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Uncategorized

Moon in ♏ Scorpio New book Poetically Loving Me

I’ve had my fair share of friendships and love. Somehow my friendships are growing into something deeper than I thought. All five men that I fell in love with are currently attempting to rekindle something that there is no coming back from. Being single has made the exploration of such conversations easier to take part in. Im just wondering what went wrong in their life that they are all back. One back to marry me, one back that is married that wants me to be his spiritual husband which is totally weird , and the others are lingering around attempting acts of kindness that they believe will win my heart again. Some time men don’t understand. There is no coming back from where we been. The embarrassing backstories behind these men will be featured in a book called Poetically Loving Me. Not only touching on the bad things but hopefully taking heed to the good things. An attempt to tell men how to love a woman who is head strong and sensitive. How to make sure she caters to you in the same ways you’re attempting to love her. Of course, I’ve made mistakes but there is nothing in any relationship I’ve been in that I’d take back. I gave 100% of me and I can’t say I cheated them from anything. I made sure they grew and gave them the freedom to be themselves and be successful within themselves. The effects come back to huant me now and will be touched in Poetically Loving Me, coming soon!