Tag: cheating

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grieving heart break nightmare

Heart Break Chronicles: Letter to My ex

I hope you’re doing well. Because you were sick when you were with me. Sick in your head to treat someone that would do anything for you like nothing.

I remember tbe night you were talking to your ex and you were talking down about me to her like you talk down about her to me. I remember the laugh and joy she took in hearing about my flaws. I remember how you made me seem like a villain. Altnough she couldn’t recognize that because she was just happy to hear you talk about me. When you told me you hated her, I just knew it was a lie. Who wants to talk to someone they hate unless your hatred was because she didnt want you.

You told me so many lies and I found the truth. I investigated until I found the truth. She left you for a man that was in prison for 20 years. Now that is telling of how she felt in the relationship.  Who wants a man that been in prison sleeping with other men over you. Tben it dawned in me, you were a terrible lover to her to.

All the talking to your female friends and telling them you love them so passionately, but I never felt that same energy. All these things I have to unpack alone. All this drama I never wanted in my life. I was a successful woman making my own way and I allowed you to slow me down. I allowed you to lie to me until I was broken. 

I wanted to tell you in my own way. How much I am hurt inside and still healing. How you transferred that energy on me and walked away unscathed! I want to let it out so I dont have to keep this bottled up inside me anymore. You broke me into a million pieces.

You were my best friend and knew all my secrets and pain. You told me you would never do me how they did me. Let alone you did exactly that.

Your immature, inscure ways and mommy issues got the best of you. You chose to bring pain from your other relationships and use me as a punching bag. You chose to pull my anxiety back out in full force and dismantle me.

But I allowed it so I have to make a way thru it all. That’s all. I am making my way.

-heartbreak chronicles

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Love Rewind

Alluring love
Enduring the sweet ephiany of your sweetest touch
Yes you remind me of another life time.
How else could it be addicting
Falling For what?!
Is it the mirror of our thoughts meeting in a new realm.
Or a seance from the pits of hell…
Calling me sweetly to my demise
The paradigm of the mind never left me blind
Seeing my truth
As I soak in it
As time tells on every love
Spinning the block again
I knew I knew love.
I know I gave it my all
But why are you stuck here
Fuck with my area
With games, lies, and smiles in the moment.
But there is no more tears..m
If I left you alone You would be okay til life fucks you again.
Tell how to I heal you before I do it again.
I know I have to get something else beside affection out of this pain.
You can’t even see me or understand where I’ve gone or if I’m coming within
You just really think you have me whenever you want…
Same lies told the same twice
Turning liars to enemies
Now I walk around with this complex
Boy it’s a trigger for me.✌

From book coming soon…art love self healing and love. Subscribe for updates.

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love

Non Monogamous Relationships in Modern Day Love

I just watched a show where there’s a big increase in non monogamous relationships because the way love is being defined in modern day.

There is a gay and straight woman married but they have separate partners because they have different sexual preferences and desires.

Would you marry your best friend if you could?

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On my down days

When I’m feeling down…

It bothers me

Especially when. Yesterday was great and the day before. Then I realize there was on affection and intimacy in those moments. Majority of my life I believe out of habit I’ve craved to be loved everyday by whom I choose. Not who chooses me. When its not my way. I feel down and I have to check myself. I have to pull myself out of that bad habit that the one you love isn’t the one who’s going to rescue me from my temporary misery. So I pull myself together little by little. I move back into my routine and sooner or later im able to smooth myself out and get back to normal. Today is a good day! I managed to fool myself into the thought that love will rescue me. Only I can rescue me!

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Moon in ♏ Scorpio New book Poetically Loving Me

I’ve had my fair share of friendships and love. Somehow my friendships are growing into something deeper than I thought. All five men that I fell in love with are currently attempting to rekindle something that there is no coming back from. Being single has made the exploration of such conversations easier to take part in. Im just wondering what went wrong in their life that they are all back. One back to marry me, one back that is married that wants me to be his spiritual husband which is totally weird , and the others are lingering around attempting acts of kindness that they believe will win my heart again. Some time men don’t understand. There is no coming back from where we been. The embarrassing backstories behind these men will be featured in a book called Poetically Loving Me. Not only touching on the bad things but hopefully taking heed to the good things. An attempt to tell men how to love a woman who is head strong and sensitive. How to make sure she caters to you in the same ways you’re attempting to love her. Of course, I’ve made mistakes but there is nothing in any relationship I’ve been in that I’d take back. I gave 100% of me and I can’t say I cheated them from anything. I made sure they grew and gave them the freedom to be themselves and be successful within themselves. The effects come back to huant me now and will be touched in Poetically Loving Me, coming soon!