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grieving heart break nightmare

Heart Break Chronicles: Letter to My ex

I hope you’re doing well. Because you were sick when you were with me. Sick in your head to treat someone that would do anything for you like nothing.

I remember tbe night you were talking to your ex and you were talking down about me to her like you talk down about her to me. I remember the laugh and joy she took in hearing about my flaws. I remember how you made me seem like a villain. Altnough she couldn’t recognize that because she was just happy to hear you talk about me. When you told me you hated her, I just knew it was a lie. Who wants to talk to someone they hate unless your hatred was because she didnt want you.

You told me so many lies and I found the truth. I investigated until I found the truth. She left you for a man that was in prison for 20 years. Now that is telling of how she felt in the relationship.  Who wants a man that been in prison sleeping with other men over you. Tben it dawned in me, you were a terrible lover to her to.

All the talking to your female friends and telling them you love them so passionately, but I never felt that same energy. All these things I have to unpack alone. All this drama I never wanted in my life. I was a successful woman making my own way and I allowed you to slow me down. I allowed you to lie to me until I was broken. 

I wanted to tell you in my own way. How much I am hurt inside and still healing. How you transferred that energy on me and walked away unscathed! I want to let it out so I dont have to keep this bottled up inside me anymore. You broke me into a million pieces.

You were my best friend and knew all my secrets and pain. You told me you would never do me how they did me. Let alone you did exactly that.

Your immature, inscure ways and mommy issues got the best of you. You chose to bring pain from your other relationships and use me as a punching bag. You chose to pull my anxiety back out in full force and dismantle me.

But I allowed it so I have to make a way thru it all. That’s all. I am making my way.

-heartbreak chronicles

Categories
Poetically loving me

Growth

Decaying love
Eating itself for growth
Like a rose out concrete
Always coming back from the impossible
Not looking for validation or affection
Just strength and the courage to love again
Living solid.
Loving me first before I every leverage my heart again
Auctioning my pain as art
Flipping my negatives to positive
Looking straight past my non sense
And embracing the silver lining
Caring with intent
Observant with purpose
Perplexing how the paradigm of the mind can be your own demise
Your decision
I chose forward
I chose me, myself,  and my seeds
The ability to grow while empty. 
I chose optimism and my own ignorance for bliss.
I chose self love as my happiness.

Categories
Poetically loving me

My Fantasies

You want to know my fantasy
It’s deeper than me
Someone who prays with me then meditates with me and makes love to me . Knows my needs
Explores my body…
My all in one and I’m his everything
Like Wilson sees Ciara
Someone already looking at me and see their forever.
Someone ready to open up in every way
So honest with me even if I feel pain. 
Holding my front back and sides
Sexual desires then activate
When we’re one
My fancy thrives internally…

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Uncategorized

Love Rewind

Alluring love
Enduring the sweet ephiany of your sweetest touch
Yes you remind me of another life time.
How else could it be addicting
Falling For what?!
Is it the mirror of our thoughts meeting in a new realm.
Or a seance from the pits of hell…
Calling me sweetly to my demise
The paradigm of the mind never left me blind
Seeing my truth
As I soak in it
As time tells on every love
Spinning the block again
I knew I knew love.
I know I gave it my all
But why are you stuck here
Fuck with my area
With games, lies, and smiles in the moment.
But there is no more tears..m
If I left you alone You would be okay til life fucks you again.
Tell how to I heal you before I do it again.
I know I have to get something else beside affection out of this pain.
You can’t even see me or understand where I’ve gone or if I’m coming within
You just really think you have me whenever you want…
Same lies told the same twice
Turning liars to enemies
Now I walk around with this complex
Boy it’s a trigger for me.✌

From book coming soon…art love self healing and love. Subscribe for updates.

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Uncategorized

On my down days

When I’m feeling down…

It bothers me

Especially when. Yesterday was great and the day before. Then I realize there was on affection and intimacy in those moments. Majority of my life I believe out of habit I’ve craved to be loved everyday by whom I choose. Not who chooses me. When its not my way. I feel down and I have to check myself. I have to pull myself out of that bad habit that the one you love isn’t the one who’s going to rescue me from my temporary misery. So I pull myself together little by little. I move back into my routine and sooner or later im able to smooth myself out and get back to normal. Today is a good day! I managed to fool myself into the thought that love will rescue me. Only I can rescue me!

Categories
Poetically loving me

Truth is…

I could never leave 

But I will let you live

 A whole lifetime without me

Lost at your own discretion

Never to mention

The energy, I’m gifted

Never alone sweetheart

This is my preference.

I am sitting on genius

I don’t have time to listen

Ignorance is a bliss

So I choose my intelligence

Categories
Poetically loving me

Becoming…

Passionate kisses 

Formulates this compassion I been missing

Kind of healing

With some amnesia 

I start forgetting all my problems and everything that stresses me

Like your lips are my holy place

And I can feel in every kiss 

You’re blessing me

Rising more than my high to climax

I feel you 

Kissing and licking around my lips slowly

Opening your eyes to see

It’s me 

Kissing like a beast gently 

Leading me with your hands

This tight hold you have on me

How can I forget this feeling

As we collide at this opening 

I ask myself do you mean it, like I do

Is this moment everything like I’m thinking right now

Like we want to eat each other 

It’s the wanting

Of you inside me and you wanting in

Kissing our way into  love making…

Mixing ourselves within one another

Gracefully becoming one with a kiss

Categories
Poetically loving me

Hey…where are you?

Hey love, where are you these days?

Are you thinking about me when you’re away

Did you forget my heart is at home

Waiting for you to stimulate

My love

Hey love, I’m talking to you,

Did you forget strong women need love too

Did you realize you are my night and day

My ups and down

My doubts and pain

Hey love, 

I know it’s been a while but talk

Do i even have your heart

Do you think for me fore as I being to think

The pain that floods my eyes

Are we linked

Hey love

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