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grieving heart break nightmare

Heart Break Chronicles: Letter to My ex

I hope you’re doing well. Because you were sick when you were with me. Sick in your head to treat someone that would do anything for you like nothing.

I remember tbe night you were talking to your ex and you were talking down about me to her like you talk down about her to me. I remember the laugh and joy she took in hearing about my flaws. I remember how you made me seem like a villain. Altnough she couldn’t recognize that because she was just happy to hear you talk about me. When you told me you hated her, I just knew it was a lie. Who wants to talk to someone they hate unless your hatred was because she didnt want you.

You told me so many lies and I found the truth. I investigated until I found the truth. She left you for a man that was in prison for 20 years. Now that is telling of how she felt in the relationship.  Who wants a man that been in prison sleeping with other men over you. Tben it dawned in me, you were a terrible lover to her to.

All the talking to your female friends and telling them you love them so passionately, but I never felt that same energy. All these things I have to unpack alone. All this drama I never wanted in my life. I was a successful woman making my own way and I allowed you to slow me down. I allowed you to lie to me until I was broken. 

I wanted to tell you in my own way. How much I am hurt inside and still healing. How you transferred that energy on me and walked away unscathed! I want to let it out so I dont have to keep this bottled up inside me anymore. You broke me into a million pieces.

You were my best friend and knew all my secrets and pain. You told me you would never do me how they did me. Let alone you did exactly that.

Your immature, inscure ways and mommy issues got the best of you. You chose to bring pain from your other relationships and use me as a punching bag. You chose to pull my anxiety back out in full force and dismantle me.

But I allowed it so I have to make a way thru it all. That’s all. I am making my way.

-heartbreak chronicles

Categories
Poetically loving me

Growth

Decaying love
Eating itself for growth
Like a rose out concrete
Always coming back from the impossible
Not looking for validation or affection
Just strength and the courage to love again
Living solid.
Loving me first before I every leverage my heart again
Auctioning my pain as art
Flipping my negatives to positive
Looking straight past my non sense
And embracing the silver lining
Caring with intent
Observant with purpose
Perplexing how the paradigm of the mind can be your own demise
Your decision
I chose forward
I chose me, myself,  and my seeds
The ability to grow while empty. 
I chose optimism and my own ignorance for bliss.
I chose self love as my happiness.

Categories
Poetically loving me

My Fantasies

You want to know my fantasy
It’s deeper than me
Someone who prays with me then meditates with me and makes love to me . Knows my needs
Explores my body…
My all in one and I’m his everything
Like Wilson sees Ciara
Someone already looking at me and see their forever.
Someone ready to open up in every way
So honest with me even if I feel pain. 
Holding my front back and sides
Sexual desires then activate
When we’re one
My fancy thrives internally…

Categories
Poetically loving me

After the Break Up

As a woman you naturally get wrapped up in your man’s dreams, and lose sight of your own and who you are. You end up in a space where you mentally and physically have to start over. You have to figure out who you are.

Then as brave as you are… to turn around and love someone else again or the same person and they repeat the same pattern is pure abuse. Do not lose yourself trying to love him better. Make sure you keep your dreams on the table as well.

I know this happens to men too but I can only write from a woman’s prospective. This isn’t to bash any gender. This is a post make people think and be one with their partner and keep themselves too so relationship it self is built on a healthy foundation.

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Uncategorized

On my down days

When I’m feeling down…

It bothers me

Especially when. Yesterday was great and the day before. Then I realize there was on affection and intimacy in those moments. Majority of my life I believe out of habit I’ve craved to be loved everyday by whom I choose. Not who chooses me. When its not my way. I feel down and I have to check myself. I have to pull myself out of that bad habit that the one you love isn’t the one who’s going to rescue me from my temporary misery. So I pull myself together little by little. I move back into my routine and sooner or later im able to smooth myself out and get back to normal. Today is a good day! I managed to fool myself into the thought that love will rescue me. Only I can rescue me!

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Motivation

Conviction

Everyone has flaws but not everybody can own theirs. You’d be  surprised how I can walk a person down based on that…  not the flaw necessarily, but the truth. I can pick right out the middle of their flaw and correalted mistake or action and do damage action can…convicting words, light easy cuts like a razor blades because I know what the truth does to those not ready to accept it.

My silence is golden!

Confident, humble, and silent character speaks volumes flaw individuals can’t reach…but I bet they feel it!

-Hearttress